“Narrow” is the Way the Leads to Life Everlasting

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. (Prov. 22:6 KJV) Is this proverb a promise or a warning? The answer is found in another proverb using the same Hebrew word that is translated “depart”: Proverbs 27:22. “Though you should bray a fool in a mortar among wheat with a pestle, yet his foolishness will not depart from him.” Now I agree that this is not a flattering picture, but it points plainly to the fact that a child will carry into adulthood the patterns of his childhood training – or lack thereof. Unfortunately, it is especially true in the negative sense that if a child’s foolish choices have not been reined in by the “narrowing” of proper training, his adult life will be shackled with the bondage of poor choices and addictions. You may imply without error that it is easier for a righteous man to make a foolish choice than it is for a wicked man to deny himself the pleasures he has accustomed himself to enjoy.

Training Meant to “Narrow”

The Hebrew word for train only occurs 5 times in 4 verses. It is translated “train” only once. The other four times it is translated “to dedicate,” as one might dedicate his newly built home, or like Solomon, who dedicated the newly built temple with twenty-two thousand oxen, and a hundred and twenty-thousand sheep. So it seems very natural that this term be applied to a child, and more so in the context of a newborn child, or a baby. A closer look at the term yields a startling picture of just what this training (or dedication) is. The root meaning is “to narrow” as in training a child’s palate by rubbing oil or chewed dates on it. Rubbing the baby’s palate with a “narrow” pleasant flavor encourages the baby to properly nurse.

A child’s character must be formed like a building foundation: intentionally, one building block at a time. Your child’s character will be built by your kind training that narrows your child’s choices. But beware, the choices of the impulsive child who runs loose and unchecked will certainly result in the character of a fool. Be alert! It is altogether natural that a child’s impulsive desire for momentary pleasure will control every choice the child makes unless he is trained to narrow his choices. It takes dedication, Parents, to so value your child that you, with visionary purpose, train and “narrow” the impulsive desires of your child.

A Proverbial Warning

The proverb is more of a warning than it is a promise. It portrays a cause-effect reality of development that results in deeply ingrained response mechanisms of a child. In the long term, their behavior will be reflexive and done without much thinking. This response mechanism can easily be shaped, or “narrowed,” when the child is young. However, the older the child grows, the more fixed their response mechanisms become. And there comes a time when it is nearly impossible for those impulsive patterns to be changed at all – except for the grace of God granting transformational repentance. So while proper training does give much promise to the attentive parent, there is also a serious warning in the proverb. If the parents do not attentively train or “narrow” a child’s impulsive behavior, the result will be the consequence of a child growing up to be a great fool. In other words, whether you are attentive or not, your training or lack of thereof will have a permanent impact on your child.

And here lies the encouraging and sobering truth of what it means to train up a child, or more precisely, to “narrow” a child’s palate to discriminate that which is good and wholesome so as to know how to depart from that which is harmful. This development of a discerning palate for making good choices is one of the Proverbs’ most sharply focused goals: training youth to depart from evil. Here’s two examples: “A wise man fears, and departs from evil: but the fool rages, and is confident. ...The fear of the LORD is a fountain of life, to depart from the snares of death.” (Pro 14:16, 27 KJV) You can see the parental goals of “narrowing” their child’s palate easily. A wise man will depart from evil and the snares of death – because he has been trained to. On the other hand, the fool clings to his foolery in a rage, confident of his deadly choices.

Scriptural Examples of Narrowing

The following Scriptures reveals an interesting pattern regarding dedicating, training, or “narrowing” the palate choices made by children in their youth. First, notice that dedication is a picture of “narrowing.” Solomon’s dedication of the temple with the many sacrifices is also an illustration of sanctification, that is, to “narrow” or set apart a thing for a special and particular purpose. And that is exactly what Solomon meant to do at the dedication. The temple was to have an exclusive purpose of very high value – totally set apart for worship and prayer to God. (1Kgs 8:63)

The Scripture about a man dedicating his house is very similar. “And the officers shall speak unto the people, saying, What man is there that hath built a new house, and hath not dedicated it? let him go and return to his house, lest he die in the battle, and another man dedicate it.” (Deuteronomy 20:5 KJV). While no specific description is given as to how a man might dedicate his house, two things may be easily gleaned. First, it involves him being able to occupy it for a meaningful amount of time, perhaps a year if following the Scriptural custom of a man taking a wife? “When a man hath taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war, neither shall he be charged with any business: but he shall be free at home one year, and shall cheer up his wife which he hath taken.” (Deuteronomy 24:5 KJV). We might properly assume that dedicating his house is setting it up in the manner and fashion he chooses. It is a process which will take some time to get the house ordered according to his preferences of use (dedicated, narrowed purposes).

Second, there is acknowledgment of the high value placed on the man’s new home and his right to set it up and use it for a dedicated period of time, free from the obligations of military duty. It is not unreasonable to imply that the higher the value placed on the man’s new house, the more purpose and order is applied to its dedication.

Now this principle of value, impacts the dedication, or training, or narrowing of a child’s palate by you, the parent. It is a rare thing for a parent, especially a mother to not highly value their children – especially a new born baby! “Can a mother forget her nursing child? Can she feel no love for the child she has borne?” (Isa 49:15a NLT). But even if she could, it is imperative to know that the value of that child is treasured by God! “But even if that were possible, I would not forget you!” (Isa 49:15b NLT) “Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward.” (Psalm 127:3 ESV) Children are to be highly valued, dedicated, trained and “narrowed” in the formation of their desires in their early years.

It goes without saying that a child whose palate is not narrowed will eventually be entrenched in the destructive behavior of fools. Permissiveness is training; it is simply the allowance for a child’s palate to “taste every delicacy, and don’t hold back!” Fortunately, parents, especially mothers are fairly instinctive about

guiding the palates of their newborn babies. But as the child grows older, guiding the palate becomes ever more important in parental discernment and guidance in helping your child to make “palatable choices”. Remember, this battle is as old as the human race! Your children will spend their entire life battling deceptive temptations to their palate that will only harm and destroy them. The more discernment they have before they leave home, the more easily they will be able to depart from the way of the wicked.

For a parent, “narrowing” the palate begins by providing good and wholesome gifts for your children to enjoy because you know they are good gifts, and you love to give them! But this “narrowing” also includes warnings, counsel and correction to promote discernment to help them avoid dangerous and deceptive choices. But, ultimately, you are helping them to understand that God gives good gifts and that they can wait on him and trust him for the gift and the timing of the gift.

The Importance of Prayer

In a fundamental way, training children to pray is the long-term goal of palate “narrowing”. Satan’s temptation is the same as it was in the Garden of Eden: “Eat the forbidden fruit! It is really good and good for you!” That kind of outrageous lie can only be overcome by training the palate to desire the “narrow” and perfect choices of God’s good gifts, and none other. Prayer is an active choice of your child. You must teach them how to pray by example and instruction. God is waiting for each and every child to call upon Him with all of their heart. Here’s a prayer exercise taught by Jesus.

“And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. For every one that asks receives; and he that seeks finds; and to him that knocks it shall be opened. If a son shall ask bread of any of you that is a father, will he give him a stone? or if he ask a fish, will he for a fish give him a serpent? Or if he shall ask an egg, will he offer him a scorpion? If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children: how much more shall your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to them that ask him?” (Luke 11:9-13 KJV) “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.” (James 1:17 KJV)

Yes, it is that simple: train or “narrow” your child’s choices to only the safe ones! And no, it isn’t easy to train up a child to make good choices through prayer; it takes consistent work by precept and example. To “Train up a child in the way he should go” is what it means to “narrow” the palate by faith-filled prayer to the Giver of all good gifts. But how can you do this without becoming legalistic?

Avoiding Legalism

Satan loves to wage a constant battle between legalism and permissiveness. Don’t be fooled! What is the appropriate training, or narrowing of a child’s desires without it resulting in legalism? Frankly, without real prayer, it will be impossible to discern every situation without the direction of the Holy Spirit. But here are a few suggestions that might help “narrow” our palate from both extremes. First, let’s define legalism and permissiveness from a child’s perspective.

Legalism is the setting forth of rules that one must comply with in order to be good. Being good is the objective, whether stated by the parent or imagined by the child. It is very possible that any parental directive to make wise choices can be construed by the child to mean, “that’s how you are good!” So this will be a constant battle for the parent to guard against. On the other hand, knowing who to trust and being aware of the kinds of foolish temptations that Satan will throw at your child is the foundation of good training on the strait and “narrow.”

Often, parents confuse permissiveness as the counterbalancing answer to legalism in child-rearing. They say, “We can’t expect our kids to make good choices until they are born-again!” This is where understanding what training up a child is comes into play. By both positive “narrowing” of the palate as well as proper negative consequences, a child can be trained in the way that they should go. Do not be afraid! Every consistent investment of parental training will form patterns of good choices that will stick with that child for life.

As a sophomore in college, my class learned of a study that was done in the 1960’s on parental discipline. The study found that adult happiness and prosperity was directly correlated to parental training. The findings showed that the happiest and most well-adjusted adults had a good balance of both positive and negative training. Second, and to the chagrin of me and my classmates, the study showed that children who felt like their parents only disciplined them in a negative manner, with no positive encouragement, were the second most well balanced adults. And thirdly, we were shocked to discover that the most unhappy and poorly adjusted adults were those who came from permissive homes that never restricted or restrained them. That certainly aligns with the Scripture that says, “To learn, you must love discipline; it is stupid to hate correction (Pro 12:1 NLT). And again, “Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them. (Pro 13:24 NLT) And finally, “I correct and discipline everyone I love. So be diligent and turn from your indifference.” (Rev 3:19 NLT)

The Fruit of the Narrow Way

It has been the testimony of many a giant of faith, that the training of their youth served as the backdrop for their later years as prodigals. They were saved later in life and gave testimony and glory to God for the labors of their parents, especially their mothers, who trained them as children and prayed for them as adults. And they all testify to their formational training always accompanying them through the long years of wandering and rebellion. Some of my favorites are John Newton, Hudson Taylor, George Müller, and Augustine to name a few. The agonizing prayers of mothers kindle the flame of care where only the Spirit of God can reach. Augustine said of his mother, Monica, after his conversion – years later than Monica had hoped and dreamed: “God did not give her what she prayed for then, in order that He might give her what she prayed for always.”

You can also be faithful in your training now, while looking to that eternal truth that parents cannot save their children, only narrow their options until God transforms them. And in the meantime, don’t forget that it was in the very narrow place of the pigsty that the prodigal son came to his senses, and the Lord granted him repentance as He will to all who will call on His name. “For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.” (Rom 10:13 KJV)