“Hallowed Be Thy Name”: How to Respectfully Deflect Parental Overreach

(The key to Stewardship is to Honor God’s Name, not yours – or even Grandparents)

This is how one should regard us, as servants of Christ and stewards of the mysteries of God. Moreover, it is required of stewards that they be found faithful. (1Co 4:1-2 ESV)

[T]he heir, as long as he is a child, is … under guardians and stewards until the date set by his father. (Gal 4:1-2 ESV)

For an overseer must be above reproach as God's steward. … (Tit 1:7 ESV)

As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace: (1Pe 4:10 ESV)

The Call to Righteous Faith

It has been said that the righteousness of God is revealed from faith to faith and that the righteous shall live by faith. True faith will stand up against all unrighteousness no matter what the cost. Who doesn't want their children to be able to stand in the evil day – even if that may require them to take a stand against us as parents? The key to holy boldness is to intentionally guard the honor of the Lord's name above all others, especially your own!

Jesus was 12 years old when he illustrated this honor perfectly. He walked out the delicate balance of being about His Heavenly Father's business while also being subject to imperfect parents. He was relaxed in His submission to earthly parents because He was entirely confident in His Father's good purpose in providing His parents! Not only do children need this outlook, but parents need this same confidence! We are all flawed, but God has ordained our parental role so as to introduce our children to the dynamic of living faith: trusting God at His Word in fearful circumstances simply because He is God. (Children, obey your parents in the Lord!) The parent who is mindful of God's ordained authority upon him will naturally bring a clear presentation of the Lord in all parental nurture and admonition.

It is noteworthy that Paul's admonition to obey parents* is an application of the commandment to honor one’s father and mother! So what does obedience look like? How does a child honor both God and flawed parents? The answer is an exciting adventure of faith! (*Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Honor your father and mother" (this is the first commandment with a promise), "that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land." (Eph 6:1-3 ESV))

A Grandparently Dilemma

Once, a couple approached me with a dilemma regarding one set of grandparents who appeared to be interfering with the family in spiritual ways. It seemed to the parents that a great offense existed because of the parents' faith. It also seemed like there was a concerted effort by the grandparents to draw away a favorite grandchild to themselves and undermine parental care. The distressed parents came to me feeling hopeless and fearing that permanent harm was looming in the outcome of a recent invitation to their favorite grandchild – an invitation to spend the entire summer with the grandparents! The wrong answer could sever their already strained relationship with their parents or potentially expose their child to grave spiritual danger. While they could not dare risk their child’s harm, they could not fathom explaining the answer, “No”, to their parents! Nevertheless, in a miraculous mercy from God, God gave an answer that honored their stewardship to God as parents and honored their parents as adult children!

When asked if they would be happy to have their child used of God to carry the gospel in living color to his grandparents, they replied, "Why, yes, of course!" When asked, "Why not now?", they replied that their child was simply not mature enough. (He had begun to show signs of rebellion and distrust and that worried them.) So practically, the issue wasn't about the grandparents’ motives at all, but about their child’s present spiritual needs! After further discussion, they wrote to the grandparents asking that they pray for the grandchild who was not mature enough to make the trip that summer. The grandchild had some specific character issues they were working on before being ready for such an invitation.

The parents reported back to me in joyful astonishment! The grandparents wrote a genuinely encouraging letter to the grandchild challenging him to work on his character. A huge crisis was averted by both honoring their stewardship to God as parents and honoring their father and mother as well. Years later I asked whatever became of the matter. To my joy, the parents reported that the child is truly serving Christ and has spent much time ministering to the grandparents – who are much more spiritually minded today!

Honoring God is the Key

Honoring God never requires anyone to dishonor one’s parents or any other God-ordained authority. If you are determined to honor God, it is because of Who you know Him to be. You are a steward of God’s Glory. Furthermore, you can never honor God above Who you know Him to be! One of the best illustrations of this is King David, whom Scripture describes as a man after God's own heart. David had great respect for God’s anointed authority. God’s name was upon Saul, the anointed one and David refused to dishonor God’s anointing!! (See 1Sam. 23:14, Acts 13:22)

King David never allowed for the self-assertion of his rightful authority as God’s anointed King. He was every bit equal to King Saul in anointing and authority – you could say he had more authority since God was deposing Saul. But Saul bore the anointing of God and David had unwavering respect for the name of the Lord. He would not touch the Lord's anointed! If God anointed him King, God would remove Saul, not David! Instead, David became a fugitive from Saul because he was a faithful Steward of the Glory of God. David never touched the Lord's anointed, though he had multiple occasions to do so.

This is your example. There is never a need to dishonor God's name by dishonoring his anointed authority! As young adults leave home with fully vested status as adults, there never needs to be a disrespectful showdown. What pleases God? Our faith. If God has called you to any station or duty, you have every confidence to trust that He will bring it to pass without fear-filled grasping to save your life! Honor God by honoring those he has appointed over you. You will find that you have laid a good foundation for others to also honor you in like manner! Never lose sight of the Lord's honor in all of your transactions with his earthly representatives!

One quick comment regarding training your child to submit to and honor your role as God’s appointed/anointed parent. This is especially important for your wonderfully gifted child who can easily argue for their preferred viewpoint. The best training that you can give them is to clearly pattern your parenting as a stewardship for which you will give an account to God. You will have much more weight of influence when your child sees your decisions as deeply held convictions of your duty to God as a steward over the children that He has given to you. Your children do not belong to you, they belong to God. “Why did [God make “two”,] “one”? [Because] He was seeking godly offspring. Be careful then about your spirit, and [see that] none [of you] deals treacherously ….” (Mal 2:15 NASB20) It will be your daily battle to be alert to the training opportunities that spring from their disagreement with your viewpoint and their refusal to submit to you – unless you can outwit and persuade them.

Don’t even try to convince them with words. You cannot make them freely submit to you as God’s appointed/anointed parent; however, you can, and must continually present that seeking God’s glory is the only means for their success and happiness. Nothing is more convincing than a parent who walks in the fear of the Lord as a steward of the children that God has given them. They may not be converted today, but the influence of such consistent, godly parental stewardship will leave a lasting impression on them which will never leave them, even when they are older. And that’s what parenting is all about!

"Hear, [Dear Parent*]! The LORD your God, the LORD is one! And you shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. Andyou shall repeat them diligently to your sons and speak of them when you sit in your house, when you walk on the road, when you lie down, and when you get up. You shall also tie them as a sign to your hand, and they shall be as frontlets on your forehead. You shall also write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. ... When your son asks you in time to come, saying, What [do] the provisions and the statutes and the judgments [mean] which the LORD our God commanded you?' then you shall say to your son, 'We were slaves to [sin and shame*], and the LORD brought us out of [our sin*] with a mighty hand. (Deut 6:4-9, 20-21 NASB20, *personalized)